L'Oink

I've decided that France shall henceforth be called The Great State of Pork.  It's amazing that the sidewalks aren't paved with ham, frankly, as they add various forms of salted pig to everything. It's heaven. I had a salami and butter sandwich. SALAMI AND BUTTER. And I didn't order it like that (who am I kidding, I can barely say that I don't speak French in French, much less "how can you make that baguette as fattening a possible?")... it just came that way. Because butter is the appropriate condiment for everything in T.G.S.O.P. Can I get an Amen?

The upside to eating in France is the French food. The downside is having to sit near French people... well, any people (the American man behind us last night spent the better portion of his meal dredging wet masses from deep in his lungs...gagggg).  The French seem intent on stinking you out by either just dousing themselves in eau de old lady, or just generally wandering around smelling of an old shoe, or smoking smoking smoking.  I mean all right, so you don't allow smoking indoors anymore, one small blessing.  But then the entire streetside restaurant wall opens and is packed with outdoor tables so everyone sits there and their smoke blows back indoors the entire meal.  Scotch and I are considering taking our meals right IN the kitchen since those seems to be closed off.
 But then again they're probably full of sweaty stinky chefs!

We are in Aix-en-Provence today and it's gorgeous. Once you're not driving in the streets, those cobblestone bastards seem downright charming. Unless, of course, you're almost being run over by an Aix driver who isn't remotely concerned about pedestrians.  I think Priuses should be outlawed here (though we've only seen a couple in all of France) as they would just be silent killing machines.  I think the sound of diesel engines keeps many a local smoker alive.

Our hotel is attached to a spa that makes use of the natural hot springs below and my sweet boy booked me a massage and some spa time tomorrow. As you can imagine their menu is in French but they do have some of the services translated to... English?  If you like you can have a facial (I believe) which includes, "the perfect make-up removal, rinsed with the hot and scented gloves, exclusive Gumming 'cabin' applied under vapour, to finish by the Massage of Alarm clock."  And while that does sound relaxing if you want more of a full-body massage consider the one that, "After stimulation of the zones reflexes to eliminate toxins and greases, the fabrics are unchoked ad the cellulite disloged by kneading and fold-to roll".  It's truly hard to decide, isn't it??

We might try the local vegetarian restaurant tonight which means total kitchen chaos in T.G.S.O.P.  I can only assume they have many fine plant-based dishes with the essences of ham wafted over it.  All I know is that if the menu is sans buerre then it will also be sans KayDee.

Tomorrow is a big day for the foodie in me as it's Market Day.  They have markets all the time but apparently Tues, Thurs, and Saturday are the big ones.  I'm hoping we have time to hit the food, flowers, and antiques markets but it's going to be a crunch since they're only open from 9-12:30 (plus I have to get back in time for my massage where they.... ummmm... stimulate the zones and hit me with alarm clocks?).
xo
kd

Photos: Scotch clinging to side of castle wall in Tournon;  French beer for OPD at Avignon; the Rhone; wine tasting at M. Chapoutier in Hermitage; carousel in Avignon; fountain in Aix-en-Provence; haunted house in Tournon-Sur-Rhone; spider party;  the bread killing machine.